Hating my eyes today

SO... ya.. I don't talk about my eyes often... It doesn't come up :)

I was born with bilateral Congenital Cataracts -  translation?  Old people eyes at birth in both eyes >.<  lol not EXACTLY true lol...  I have a film growing on my lens in both of my eyes.  It WAS getting brown in color, but now it's clear... but it's still there and has spread.

I'm one of the rare ones whose brain interprets the cataracts as "dots" all over the place.  The best way I can describe it is comparing it to the old TV's.   Remember when the TV channel came in staticy?  All the white dots?  That's how I see.  I can tune it out and it's not as harsh as the TV... it's somewhat see-through-able for me.  Some people don't see the cataracts ... the brain ignores that they are there.  I'm weird I guess :)   But then, if you know me... you already know that HAHAH!!!

So, when you see a glare ball... I see part of a glare ball... the other part is blacked out in the shape of my cataracts.  They're a snowflake pattern right across the center of my lens.  Pretty hard to ignore.  If I go out in bright sun... I can't see well.  It's SO much light.  It gets bounced around in my eyes and it HURTS!!!!  LUCKILY, polarized sunglasses helps me to see well enough.  Since I only have a very slight Astigmatism in one eye... so my eyes are perfectly able to see otherwise - thanks be...  SO, ya, I can still drive.  But I don't put myself in a position where I'm driving to places I don't know w/o  GOOD landmarks.  I like to be ultra careful.  I can't read street signs on the older, smaller signs... The new ones are great!  

I don't drive far at night... I'll stay within a mile - just far enough to get groceries, if I've need and forgot something and have to go back out to get it cuz i'm baking or whatever... or go to the theater - I volunteer at the local community theater (acting/stage - not movie).

I'm trying to train my dog to be a guide dog.  She's almost 3 years old.  She's a redbone coonhound/boxer mix.  She's still learning and I'm hard on her to be there for me.  Don't worry... she gets rewarded with treats and hugs and scratches.   She's a sweetie!!!   BUT when the light was out at the theater parking and I left late at night.... I couldn't see ANYTHING.  I wasn't expecting it and I HATE when I'm caught off guard like that.  Just total blindness... I froze and thought, "CRAP!  I need my dog!!!!"  I will have to start bringing her around the theater to get her used to it...   When the kids are there, though, I think she'll still want to play, play, play....  She'll need to learn that the theater is a "work" place and not a "play" place.

I will have to buy her that harness for the blind and a "working - please don't pet me" vest...   Poor Mitzie...   She'll get even more treats, though.  We're going to need to walk more, so she doesn't get fat (ter....)  >.>  

Right, so.... That's my eyes in a nut shell.  Ew.. sounds gory hehe...

What's kinda neat is when I take a look at a glare ball up close... I can see individual cataract dots... they overlap... it's weird.   You know what I should do?  I should paint what they look like!!!  :)  

But ya... my eyes get tired fast and sometimes people chat in IMs to me SO FAST and I can't keep up because it's hard for me to read.  I need larger text on the screen.  Some people are down right inconsiderate about it.  I'll ask them to slow down a little or to video chat with me instead and they refuse.  

Now, I'm not holding everyone in the "rude" column lol....  Just the people who I KNOW know about my eyes ...   But if I'm asking for video chat... NORMALLY it's because my eyes are KILLING me - tired eyes/unable to focus well on the text and they are aching.  

I HATE having to do research on the internet these days.  Mostly because it involves long hours squinting at the computer screen... and I have the wrinkle line between my brows to prove it >.< I hate that crease!!   

"Why not use the polarized lenses to read the monitor?" You ask?  Ya... tried that... polarized lens +  screen = Rainbow trippyness lol...  NOT productive to viewing anything ... other than rainbows... it's like seeing a puddle with oil on top ... 

Anyway... just felt like sharing :)

Hope you're all doing well :)

I'm a horrible blogger lol >.<  I don't even get into my blog easily, so it's something I add to the list of reasons why I don't blog often lol...

I actually wonder if I appear ADDish lol... somedays it's crafts crafts crafts... other days it's cello cello cello... other days it's YAY the violin bridge isn't snapping down!  LOL!!!! 

I had a horrible night last night.  I had a good day today.  The violin bridge DIDN"T snap down today LOL YAY lol... but I didn't have time to play it *frowns* lol... I will finish tuning it tomorrow morning and break it out tomorrow.  I LOVE my violin :D and cello lol...

I'm taking a break on my peacock.  ... lemme specify.... I'm taking a break from the IMMENSE quilling project I undertook lol... which is supposed to look like a peacock.  It's half way completed :)  I just needed a break before I do the last half, which will be VERY tedious and since it's so large, it'll be really intensive.

I'm hoping next year I can get the Lutherie books and tools, etc, like Will agreed :)  I don't want to lose my interest in it with this HUGE wait... but at least this bill is getting paid off and then there's just the one last one, and it'll be all gone :D  I'm excited.

I did a LOT of work for the local theater.  I felt discouraged when some didn't seem to like that I did all the work and one outright interrupted me and they seemed to be getting bored while I was reading my list.  I honestly didn't think it was THAT long >.<  The president (a really awesome lady) said that she thought I shamed them because it was work they were all supposed to have done as well and did not.  And there I was sitting there - NOT part of the board, but I did it anyway and did a great job and wrote up a report on what I found.   In turn it spurred talk about how to better the theater, which was what she was hoping for!  That made me feel good that it was beneficial.   I also got blind-sided twice at the meeting and then spoken down to for the second time by one of the ladies.

I was confused as to why I was being treated like that and I won't lie... I was hurt, too!  The president told me that it wasn't me and we chatted for a while.  I feel a LOT better after our chat.  :)

I baked for a bake sale at the farmer's market, which I'd been meaning to go to for eons.  It's on a Wednesday, which I HATE!  I prefer Will to drive me to new places when I don't know the area.  Especially, since I have cataracts and I worry about driving into an area I don't know that may include a lot of glare and I especially don't like driving at night unless it's an area I know well and not far.  My polarized glasses are still working great, but I worry about a day when they no longer cut it and I have to turn in my license.

I contacted a professor at Central Michigan University.  I got her info from a worker of hers who visited my area on vacation.  This deaf woman (epic woman by the way...) told me that her boss helps people and can help me get info to get Mitzie trained and certified as a guide dog (a seeing eye dog).  This will help me in situations when I have to take the dogs out at night to do their business and also when I'm leaving the theater late at night.

Last night, when I stepped out of the theater to go home, the door shut behind me and BAM... I couldn't see a damn thing!  At all... nothing... I stood there not sure where to move.  I knew Will had the car somewhat near - I could hear the car engine.  But I didn't know where he was and how far... I started to walk to where I thought he might be and used a foot to make sure I wasn't going down a ditch lol (not even ground... the theater parking is all dirt and uneven).  All I could think was, "CRAP!  I need Mitzie!"  Luckily, Will finally realized that I couldn't see where the car was and came out to try to guide me.  But, ya... I could REALLY use Mitzie all trained up now... especially with me being at the theater late a lot more often!!

With car head lights on I can see the road, etc... But if an on coming car has their brights on... HOLY CRAP!!!! I will look down and to the right... and follow the white line.  I'm sure I'd feel more confident if I drove more often.  My polarized lenses help me to see like a normal seeing person does.  I just hardly drive these days and I worry ... cuz... I'm a worrier lol

mmm Violin...

I've been using Binaural  and subliminal messages to help me deal with my PTSD.  It's been working GREAT!  I feel like I'm more myself ... not all the time, but for a good chunk of the day... then I'll listen to it again and I feel better again.  The TRICK is getting Aria to let me have the hour to listen to it uninterrupted, so it can work.  If she does that, then it lasts almost the whole day.

I liked how effective it was and decided to try one to increase my metabolism.  The drugs I was on to help with the PTSD "helped" me to gain 80 pounds in two years... >.<  Well, it shot my metabolism to hell.  So, I'm hoping this helps fix it.  I also try to go for walks, a bike ride, or use some of my exercise stuff to do SOMETHING - for any amount of time each day.  I've lost 15 pounds... just another 65 to go!!!

We went to the Lumberman's Monument.  GORGEOUS area! I love it here SO MUCH!... but all I have to say about that "monument" is ... damn... nearly 300 stairs!!!  I huffed... and I puffed... and I almost blew my heart out lol...  It was sad that I am that out of shape... I used to be able to do stuff like that with hardly any problem, pause, etc...

So, I told Will we need to go back there often :)  So, I can beat those stairs!  MUAHAHAHAHAHAH I shall persevere!! lol Conquer the stairs... n stuff... ok nap time? lol

I'll try to post again soon :)

Be well!!!

Long Time No Blog

Ya... so,..... I'm not keen on blogging often it would seem :)

I am not sure what to post.  Some things seem too personal to put on the internet - and who wants to read negative stuff?  >.<

Uh... Well, Aria and I are involved with the local theater now.  Me more so- but that's cuz I can do all the research, typing and paper work that seems to be part of the "job" lol... Which I'm totally cool with :)

I like that I'm "useful" to others again :) 

Homeschooling has been a chore and a half.  We've been doing one subject per day - 6 days a week.  She has to do 3 hours of the subject that is assigned to that day.  (I'll accept a little less, but some she does more than 3 hours cuz she enjoys it.)  Other subjects, like Math, she tries endlessly to shirk,  >.< 

I don't care for my neighbors... mostly cuz they're nosey and I don't like people who get into other people's business and try to get them in trouble... especially when it's me! ... But who does? 

One of my Jade plants is dying and I'm not sure why.....  and something is eating two of my rose plants out back and I can't find anything at the store to deal with it... I think I'll need to go to a nursery for plants.... 

Think that's about it for the most part :) 

:)

Snowed Yesterday

So, it snowed yesterday....  I hope the plants all do ok.  We just got a dusting, thankfully.

I haven't been keeping up with this on line journal well.  Keeping a paper one in person is easier.  No so hard on my eyes :(.....

Actually, I've been neglecting Facebook, chat lists, etc...  All for the same reason.  I'm tired of squinting to see the screen...  I've developed this horrible crease between my eyes because of it!  I hate it!!!  Damn cataracts :( 

Anyway, I've been preparing the spare room (would've been the baby room and we've been making it into a library room) for Kz.  He's a great on line friend who Will helped get a job up here.  He starts on the 11th of April.   He arrives in town on the 8th or 9th.  So, I've been trying to make room for him and get us more settled in.  This way he'll have room for his stuff in here, too.  I've NO idea how long he'll be here.  He has a super high metabolism, so hopefully he's willing to chip in on groceries... We're not on our feet well enough to be able to support that kind of food bill, yet.  He's a good guy, though, so I doubt he'll leave us in a bind.

It'll be SO NICE to have a friend near again.  They normally move away and then we NEVER hear from them again :(.... having a friend move near for once is sooo awesome.  We're all excited! 

I HATE when I'm reminded of shit from my past.  There's so many horrible memories and sooo much hurt.  I just wish I would stop myself sooner before I go on a rant and end up getting grumpy and miserable.  I don't want this new life here in MI ruined from bad memories.  I only want to look forward and be positive.  Otherwise I'll never recover or relax fully.

Even sadder was it was to Papa-Gray that I ranted to.  He brought up some things and it got me goin... blegh... hope I didn't drag him down with my slip backwards downhill...  

I can't believe it's almost April already!!!  SHEESH...   It'll be SOOO nice to have the full Northern spring!!!  I've not had a nice spring since 2000.   :D

I love my new chat smileys that I put into my gmail chat..... I sooooo wanna show them off to more people!!! 

Aria's been better... which is awesome.  :)

The Grumpy Mailman and the Resident Who Orders Things On-Line

Once upon a time, there was a grumpy mailman.  The grumpy mailman liked things just so.  Pleasant weather, no dogs around and especially, no packages.  Letters get heavy enough when they need to be delivered, but packages just made things so much worse.  And it wasn't because they were heavy because sometimes it was really light!  Boxes are just plain cumbersome and unwieldy!  It's such a bother to carry them!  The only thing he hated more was a loose dog.  Sure, when faced with a loose dog, he said he wasn't afraid, but he acted very, very afraid.  He would back up, raise his eye brows, show fear in his eyes and his voice would get higher pitched.  He would talk faster and start to sweat - all the while insisting he wasn't afraid.

Luckily not many people on his route had large dogs and they especially almost never got packages!  One day, this all changed....


A family moved into a vacant house.  They had a large dog.  And they always got packages.  He was not happy.  He would complain to them about their old address being on letters, even though, they said they changed it.  He would complain about having to carry their packages, even though that was his job.  And he hated their large dog who barked at him and scared him (even though he insisted he wasn't scared.)



heheh ok, well I don't know how to continue the story.... and it's just my way of venting about our grumpy postman.  I swear he hates us!  He was polite, smiling and made small talk with Pessimistic neighbor and COMPLETELY ignored us!  Another time he handed a package to us when we were at Pessimistic neighbor's yard and said "here you take this rather than making ME carry it.." then ignored us while he made small talk with Pessimistic neighbor.....    He gripes about any mail that has our old address - there is only so much we can do once we notify everyone of our new address....   He acts like everything is personally against him.  Especially when Mitzie got loose and ran upto him barking.  He FREAKED OUT while insisting he was calm and not afraid.  Because he acted afraid and was backing up he triggered Mitzie's instincts to charge and bark and carry on cuz there was a stranger intruding at our house..... I managed to grab her and bring her home, but I think he never forgave us for that... or the packages LOL

When we got here, we'd left a lot behind.  There aren't many places around here that had what we needed and on line prices are sometimes way better.  Since money has been an issue in trying to get back on our feet, it's best to be smart on how you spend your money!  Anyway, we've gotten sheets, Aria's new mattress, the dog crate, violin parts (recently lol), laminate sheets, our new table, Mitzie's new collar (to keep her from yanking my shoulder out of joint), posters (cuz the walls are white and we don't care for plain walls), winter jacket for Aria, sweat shirts and pants for Aria, snow suit for Aria, ....   Well, you get the idea.  Everything was a great deal, too!!  I SOOO wish this was a larger area and we could get things from freecycle, but the freecycle in my area seams to cover the whole northern portion of MI!  Most things being offered are a minimum of an hour and a half away and we don't have a truck, nor do we have a friend with a truck that we know well enough to hassle for help picking something up that is that far away.  There are some thrift stores... We hope to score a hutch from one and maybe an entertainment center (we're using a bookshelf/hutch top thing as our entertainment center and it's not going to last long like that lol).

We just ordered a bean bag "couch" YAY hehe... The mailman never carries the heavy stuff to us... it's always nicer people :)  lol... 

Anyway, I'm hoping we can order shelves, soon.... Maybe this Thursday *SMILES*  Will said I can get a violin.... The Chinese make good student violins that are sold MUCH cheaper than the ones made elsewhere.  We don't have 1k and up to spend on a decent student violin lol...   But I think I shouldn't get any violins when we still need furniture.... even though, these are ~really really~ good prices.  A violin that is 1k here is 100-200 there.  Sweet!  And they are more arty about their violins, too. 

I read this post in violin forums about how people should just support their local shops, blah, blah, blah... I was like.. um.. what if you live no where near a shop that sells instruments at all much less a violin shop! 

Whatever

My poor, old violin is coming along, but it won't be playable for months.  I've been itching to play it - bad... That's why Will was telling me to get a violin.   This way I wouldn't feel rushed and screw up the violin or make poor choices or take short cuts to get it playable again.  *shrugs*  My viola sounds like shit... even with the good strings on it *cries*.  My cello sounds sooo lovely (even when using the viola bow on it lol)  My viola is a cheap PoS that cecilo made when they were still starting out.  They've learned a lot in 9 years lol....   They made my cello and that sounds lovely... but they're still learning :)  I wish Aria would like to play.... maybe when she's older...

So, I'll probably ignore the lovely violins and order the shelves we need.  We still need a sleeper sofa for company, too. 

My Uncles want to visit.  They're cut out of the family now, too.  They're still getting over the shock of being blacklisted by my mom.  What they are going through now is what I had to come to terms with ... and it took a long time for me.  I am not sure they'll ever get over it. 

I'm concerned if they come to visit there will be issues with accepting who we are and how we live our lives.  One uncle was already pressuring me to have Aria baptized.  Grr... I guess we'll have to see.

Anywho... that's all for now

Homeschooling, cleaning and pets... oh my!

Our old dog isn't feeling so chipper :(  He got sick from eating too many rawhide bones (he keeps stealing them from our younger dog.) 

Aria's new math "curriculum" is working well for us all, which is good.  I'm pleased the web-based program has something to keep track of what she's done and how much time she spent on it, etc.  Makes life a lil easier for me :)

She's resisting her writing assignment.  Too bad there's no fun on line writing program LOL.  I just gave her something to copy because she said she didn't know what to write.  Hehehe.. She will be writing whatever's on the back of the nail file package.  lol...

I cleaned up this room that we're using like a den.  It's a computer room, plus...  It has craft stuff in here, the dog crate, animal food bins, food bowls, and their toys.  It has places for the cats to lay about and a cat post and scratch areas.  Anyway, it's almost always the messiest room of the house (Aria loves telling EVERYONE all about this >.<)  and I'm not ok with this because it's also where the webcam is LOL!!!  So, now it's neater, so I'm less embarrassed during video calls :)

Anywho, I have more cleaning to do... blegh... I'm still tired from the cats waking me up.  Bast is pro at throwing herself around the room (as I call it) when she wants me to get up to feed her.  She aims for all the places I have things up high... like my rocks and crystals on the windowsill and the plant and my jewelry box on top of the dresser... and tries to knock everything down >.< 

Part Hassle... Part Fun ;)

I made a punny...  

I'm having trouble with some parts that came in the mail yesterday for the violin repair.  Most of the pieces were cracked and or chipped.  I can't use these parts...   I shouldn't be expected to, either.  >.< This is what happens when you buy parts cheaply on line.  Well, that's not fair.  I've gotten many other things on line w/o problems.  I'm just getting burned out from all the stupid packages that have been coming on and off since we started buying things on line here.  Furniture, curtains (those neat black out ones that help insulate, too - omg they're great), sheets, Aria's new mattress and mattress protector, the dog crate, the exercise machine (which really was a super great deal and we all use it a lot! - which is great), the webcam (which was worth every cent cuz we can stay in touch with our friends in Germany now and also I will be using today for ASL practice!), etc etc etc.....

I'm just tired of all the packages.  bleeeegh....  When the violin repair is done ... and the bookshelves are bought and get here... I don't wanna get any more packages for a few months lol....   Then I guess we'll be looking for a new bed.

I wish there were more places locally with the things we need (*coughs and want*) lol  I can't say I "needed" to repair my violin... and I can't say we "needed" EVERYTHING we have gotten from on line... but most of it we did...   Locally, there was a place that sold mattresses and their cheapest mattress was over 500$ and I didn't think it was worth even half that!  So, I'd found a futon mattress on line for 100$!!!!  It's comfy and works great for Aria! 

Anyway, it's snowing here again!  YAY.  It's so nice to look at lol... I'm so not shoveling it this time.  I'm still hurting from the last time I shoveled it on Friday.  (or was it Thursday... )  I kinda wish I would shovel it, though.  Good work out.  Sadly, I think my back will kill me if I attempt it.  We can't have a dead Taura now can we?  ... then again... think of all the sleep.....

This math website that Aria is using is great... It's a relief to have her more interested in her studies again, rather than fighting and resisting every step of the way.

I am immensely disappointed in this varnish I'd seen.  I inquired about it because I saw cracks all over the sample pics.  The reply back was "these cracks are all over and make the instrument look like an antique..."  O.O  .... seriously... they make varnish that PURPOSELY cracks?????  WTF are they thinking?  What are they smoking?  They need to get off the bad stuff! SHEESH... how annoying.   I shouldn't let it bother me, but for some reason it just does!  NO one wants cracks on their instrument!  Especially a new one or one they're refurbishing!  If it's cracked now, how is it supposed to hold up to time?  >.<  people just don't think....

I'm tired today, but a lil less than I was yesterday.  I kinda still want a nap, though....

I have more laundry to finish up, then I need to con help to fold it all...  

Hmm... think that's all I have to say for now ....